Just trying to change the world, one blogpost at a time.


13 November 2016

23.

 
  It has been a very long time since I opened up my laptop to write.
Too long.
Reasons very from lack of time to lack of inspiration and everything in between!
I've been meaning to write probably for about 2 months now, running through ideas but never executing them but for some reason today I just feel like I have to. 
I celebrated my birthday a little over a month ago and initially wanted to write a post that basically summarize what I'd learnt over the past year, however I'm going to flip the script slightly and instead share 5 things I intend to bring into this year! I'll try to keep it short & sweet just like me ;) (definitely become a lot cheesier in the last month haha!)

1. Draw in pencil and keep an eraser nearby.
Vision. It's one of the greatest qualities a person can have. The ability to see beyond today and create a potential story for tomorrow, or next year or even 10 years from now. The issue however, arises when the images we draw for ourselves are so set in stone and intricate that when they don't happen as planned we feel like we have failed. Tormented by a weight we placed upon our own shoulders. I'm guilty of this in so many aspects of life and am trying to take a new approach. I still think we should dream and see ourselves getting to places we want to be, but drawing in pencil rather than pen means we can easily edit as we go along; adding or taking away things as necessary. Now working in accounting I see on a regular basis that sometimes you don't achieve as much as you had planned to, but you don't give up. You simply re-forecast; adapt and change your strategy to take a different route. Failure only arises from giving up completely. Equally so, sometimes plans change for good reasons; a promotion keeps you in a job for longer than expected, you get a record deal and so finishing school takes a little longer, an opportunity arises faster than you anticipated... Either way we have to learn to be flexible and adapt to whatever life throws at us.


2. There are no rules!
Literally everyone's story is different! You don't have to take a specific route to reach a certain outcome. Sure if you want to be a doctor or lawyer for example you have to attend the respective schools but the kind of doctor/lawyer you are, the way you go about solving the issues presented to you, that's pretty much down to you. Being in this adult but not quite adult stage of life is extremely interesting because we see everyone diverging onto different roads, going at different speeds. It's easy to wonder if you too should be doing the same thing; but how the hell are you supposed to have a full time job, do a Masters, have a kid, start a business, spend everyday in the gym, become a Vegan, go travelling for a year and keep your eyebrows on fleek all in one week :/. Decide where you want to go and don't worry about whether it's the norm or not, the way you decide to handle your life is up to you and just because it might look a little different doesn't mean its wrong. 


3. Single doesn't mean sad.
Yes, I've touched on it before but as I'm still single it's still relevant haha!
11.11 is singles day in China - a day where people celebrate being single! In an era were so many people are asking 'where's bae' and aunties and uncles start thinking because you've finished Uni you're miraculously meant to find your husband tomorrow, you don't hear much about happy singletons. Now don't get me wrong I think relationships can be beautiful however it's important to water the side of the grass you're on! It's a time to figure out who you are, what you want and to really come to terms with being in your own company. Sure there might be period where the only person texting you is your mum to bring the laundry in but just think about how amazing it is to be blessed with a season of selfishness. Not in the sense that you don't care for other people but that you don't have to compromise, you don't have to take someone's feelings into account every time you make a decision which then can allow you to do things you wouldn't necessarily do otherwise. Make the most of it so if you do choose to get into a relationship, you won't find yourself basing your identity on that person nor will you feel like you're missing out on something. 

4. Discipline - hard to master but so worth it!
For most of the duration of The Great British Bake Off, my colleagues and I were involved in a competition that basically lead to 2 cakes/baked goods being brought in... Every. Single. Week. Now even though I was super conscious of the inches being added to my waistline and the growing fullness of my cheeks, I couldn't resist - why? Because I didn't have enough discipline. It's one of the hardest things to have I feel; while dedication provides the motivation, discipline results in the execution. They say building a habit takes on average 66 days  to be formed - usually I end up killing it for the first 3 weeks and then BAM one slip up and I'm back to square one. And that's just of my own doing; throw in a few people whose sole purpose it seems is to encourage you to give up and well the task becomes 100x harder. Since it's an area that I'm definitely still working and probably forever will be all I can say is battle one thing at a time. Trying to build in 5 different routines at once will, in the long run, probably be less effective that conquering a habit at a time. Keep reminders and little motivational tools around you and don't beat yourself up if you mess up one day, there's always tomorrow God willing. 

5. There's nothing wrong with asking for help.
You don't want to bother your friends. You don't want to seem needy. You don't want people to think you don't have it all together. And so your suffer in silence, trying to get through it alone. Well you don't have to. I don't like asking for help - I enjoy the pride that comes from being able to do something on my own but reality is, majority of the time I think you can get further with some help. No man is an island - someone out there will either have experience dealing with what you're dealing with or they know someone who does. Even the internet has forums that allow you to talk whilst remaining completely anonymous!
  One of the biggest stigmas comes around the topic of seeking professional help; talking to a counselor, therapist or support group in order to attempt to resolve certain issues. Sometimes friends and family aren't enough, they aren't impartial enough or you don't feel comfortable enough to talk to them, if that's the case I don't think there should be any shame in reaching out to a 3rd party! There is a rising number of suicides among young people and it's scary how often people feel so alone that the only resolution is to leave the world. For that reason too its just as important for us to offer help, to not ignore the signs of sadness in our friends, to smile at the miserable person on the train, to listen when someone says they need to talk.
Don't get me wrong, it's not only the big things, some people even struggle with asking for directions. The fact of the matter is, the more comfortable we become with the idea that we don't know it all and nor do we need to, the easier it'll become for us all to to take the necessary steps towards your brighter and hopefully happier futures.


Who knows, perhaps my next post will be next week, perhaps it'll be next year but as always I appreciate and genuinely thank anyone who reads this.
Stay Blessed,
Selorm

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